they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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