oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
