i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
