So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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