that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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