We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
