I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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