Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
