I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
