apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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