I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
