I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
