i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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