I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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