I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
