I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
