I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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