Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
we should paint friendship bongs
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
