I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
