Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Randomize