I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize