That's when you crack a 10am beer
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
