apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
