Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
