just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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