if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
