it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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