everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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