remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
