I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
