he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
