Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
