Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
