Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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