"it" just moved
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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