he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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