we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize