the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
