he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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