did you get engaged???
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
