i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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