My liver just broke up with me...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
