So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Randomize
