i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
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You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
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the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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