my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
