i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
