it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
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I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
YAS. BRING CRAB.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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