I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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