ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You left your underwear on the fireplace
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
