I accidentally had phone sex last night
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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