Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
