operation harelip BJ is a go
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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