is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
