If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
