When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I FOUND THE LEGS
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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