Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
