Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
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I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
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googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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