Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
