Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
