Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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