I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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