Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
