I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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