Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
third nipple confirmed
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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