What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
