I smell stomach acid.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
