Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I did not marry a roomba.
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