I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
