No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
