If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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