Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
