Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
