Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
