these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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