Who wears a wallet chain?!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
