nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
