If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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