so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
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slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
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I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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