Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
