what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
