3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
